hot yellow fellows

I know this is all ages ago and in the past, so skip it if you don’t want to read about the Tumblr stuff from the 10th/11th. I want to let it go, believe me, and it’s been discussed quite a bit already. But I feel strange and awkward and a bit unwelcome posting right now, especially when people are still making posts on Tumblr that are like, “I feel fat — BUT I BETTER NOT POST THAT ON TUMBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” Like. Am I reading into it, or is that some passive aggressive post directed at me? So just to clear the air.

The things that have bothered me the most.

1. It was not a personal attack.

First and foremost, it absolutely was not a personal attack. If anyone else had made either of those posts or left those comments, I would have made the same post. It wasn’t because LMMIS made a post or because FNWL made a post. Both of the posts came up very close together on my dash. They also both addressed subjects which come up a lot on Tumblr and which frustrate me. I took something that I find to be a valid issue on Tumblr, and I posted about it. I did not say, “Look at these two dummies with their dumb, dumb posts.” I didn’t call anyone names — which, by the way, no one has apologized for, hence why I’m still also feeling a bit awks around Tumblr these days — I didn’t criticize anything about either of their persons. I disagreed with their ideas and with their words.

Also, it’s not like I rabidly refresh my dash, hoping I’ll find something to call people out on. When I see something and it really, really frustrates/upsets/bothers me, that’s when I reblog or say something. I’m not waiting for my chance to pounce. It’s more like when I read something and have a visceral, negative reaction to it, that’s when I say something. I don’t wait for it to happen. I’m not crossing my fingers and praying it’ll happen. But I’m not going to stay silent when that does. Whoever the person or poster may be.

It’s worth mentioning that what did get lost a bit in all of this is that there were more than just the two people mentioned in my post. One of these people, I do consider a friend and is someone I respect and actively “like” and comment on/to/with on Tumblr. If it were personal and just about hating everyone involved and wanting to be “narky” and take digs, why would I drag her into it?

2. It’s not about you.

So what did frustrate me? It just seems like every week, people are talking about other people’s weights and bodies and eating habits. Which, frankly, are none of your business. Even if you want to be all concern troll about it. My annoyances are not about who’s fat and making a post about food/weight/dieting or who’s skinny and making a post about food/weight/dieting. The issue is also not about your opinion of your own body or eating habits or weight.

No, what I take issue with is posting your opinion of other people’s bodies. Other people’s weights. Other people’s eating habits. I took issue with people being really forgiving of LMMIS’s negative comment on her heavy friend’s eating habits (and with her friend’s comments about LMMIS’s eating habits). I also took issue with FNWL’s negative comments on her thin coworkers’ eating habits. It pisses me off when people tell a heavy person to put down the burger, fatty. It also pisses me off when people tell a skinny person to eat some more burgers, anorexic bitch. It’s not really okay or nice to judge what someone puts into their mouth or what their body looks like. Even if you know them. As a female foreigner who’s overweight, I’ve got it coming from all sides when I’m in Korea. It’s a very awful, stressful thing when your eating habits are criticized. So it bothers me when I see people posting about it.

3. There are massive double standards on Tumblr.

Massive, massive double standards. As it’s been pointed out, it’s okay to call out strangers or non-Tumblr people or non-popular Tumblrs. You’ll get a bunch of likes and support and reblogs. But if you criticize anyone who’s popular within Tumblr, so help you god, you are a mean, mean person.

Don’t ever disagree with someone or holy crap, it’s a personal attack, you condescending cock.

How dare you disagree with me and personally attack me, get off your high horse, you baby.

This is a community full of support for women, so GET OUT with your disagreements, woman.

How can you hurl personal attacks at me while condemning my supposed personal attacks? How can people “like” those posts when they’ve already made negative comments about my post being a personal attack? This is a community of blind support for women? Okay, where’s my support from you?

4. You are allowed to change your mind.

I’m not saying that you can never ever ever change your mind or opinions or point of view. But you should maybe explain why your point of view has changed. Or go ahead and point out that you know it’s not in line with something that you very publicly and very strongly rallied for/against. Otherwise people are going to be confused and think it’s maybe a tad hypocritical or double standards-y.

I’m going to blatantly steal from a friend’s very logical, sane explanation. If I tell a friend, “Hey, I want to go eat Indian food tonight!” And then we go to the Indian restaurant and I say, “What? I want Thai food!” That’s going to be confusing without any explanation to say that I’ve since changed my mind. And my friend would probably, validly, point out that I’ve completely disagreed with my previous stance. And it wouldn’t be a personal attack.

Changing your mind is okay. I would be completely screwed if it weren’t. Having double standards is less okay, but if you realize that you do have them, you know, own up to it. We all sometimes have them. Just be honest about it.

5. I am allowed to disagree with you. And it doesn’t mean that I think you are THE WORST.

And guess what? You’re allowed to disagree with me, too. I also will not take it personally. I’ve gotten into discussions, arguments, disagreements, and straight-up fights with my family and most of my best friends. It doesn’t mean I love them any less. Conversely, if they disagree with me, it also doesn’t mean that they don’t love me any less. Now, if you attack me instead of my post or idea, then yeah, it’s going to hurt. And yeah, I was hurt by some of the stuff said about me on Tumblr.

6. I am not censoring you.

Disagreeing is not the same as telling someone to STFU and never post again. Please don’t feel that way. If there’s anything I’m sorry for in my posts, it’s that people feel the need to change what they post or to stay silent for fear of disagreement. I don’t reblog with the intention or the hopes that people will never speak their minds. The world would be really, really fucking boring if we all just agreed. If you disagree with me, please do say something, especially if it’s something you strongly believe.

I’m not saying that the Internet and blogs should be vicious, hurtful, attacking spaces. Nor am I saying that they should always be PC and “nice.” But the line needs to be drawn somewhere. For me, I think if you feel strongly about something, you should speak up, even if it means disagreeing with another person. With this particular post, like I said, I did have a strong reaction to the posts and comments I addressed. I waited for an hour or so and was still frustrated, and that’s why I posted. I don’t want anyone to feel silenced. I also don’t want to feel silenced. Which I feel like some of the posts and reblogs were trying to do. I absolutely appreciate having the freedom and space to speak my mind, and I hope others follow suit. Even if we butt heads.

7. Don’t take it personally.

As long as name-calling stays out of it, please don’t take things personally. When I reblog in disagreement, it’s always done so because of an idea or a post. It’s not that I’m reblogging because I hate you. Even if you view Tumblr as your diary for your feelings and thoughts and issues and everything nearest and dearest to your heart, it’s still not personal when someone disagrees with something you posted in a public forum.

I think that’s everything sorted now, finally. If there’s anything you want to say to me, publicly or privately, named or anonymously, you are more than welcome to do so. You’ve got my e-mail address, you can reblog, you can leave a comment, you can send me an ask or a Formspring, whatever. Entirely up to you.